As a wedding day approaches, most couples are consumed with thoughts of dresses, flowers, music, food, fun, and love. The last thing anyone wants to think about, much less talk about, is how assets will be divided in the event of divorce! However, this is a conversation that many couples need to have. Marriage is full of tricky discussions – it’s ok to start practicing that skill now.

There are many benefits to talking about a prenup. One of those is that the discussion will force you to look at your financial situation and examine both of your attitudes about money. Frankly, a deep discussion about finances should be a prerequisite to marriage, as money is a huge source of friction and discord in many relationships.

Beyond the benefits of discussing financial matters, there are several situations in which having a prenup in place is a good idea, such as:


  • If there is a large financial disparity between the two parties
  • If you own all or part of a business
  • If one of you has a large amount of debt
  • If you are remarrying, especially if there are children involved.

Regardless of your reasons, discussing a prenup can be difficult. Sometimes both parties heartily agree to a prenup. In other cases, one person has to convince the other. Here are a few tips for approaching the subject of a prenup:

Pick the Right Time

Don’t bring up a prenup in the heat of the moment or in the middle of an argument. Likewise, don’t introduce the topic in the middle of a romantic dinner to commemorate the anniversary of the day you met. Pick a quiet, neutral time to bring up the topic – when you are both well-rested and calm.

Consider a Mediator

You could suggest a meeting with a mediator who can help you discuss the advantages of a prenup impartially and without emotion. If you decide to move forward and draft a prenup, the mediator can also help you by asking all of the important questions, gathering information, and offering sound, logical advice. Again, a mediator can remove the emotion from a tender subject.

 

Be Honest

Be truthful and straightforward about why a prenup is important to you. Be very open about your financial situation – the good, the bad, and the uncertainties.

Listen

If your partner is opposed to the idea of a prenup, listen to their concerns. Don’t jump right in with arguments.

While you certainly do not expect your marriage to end in divorce, a prenup can allow you to open important lines of communication, have an honest dialogue about financial matters, and ultimately allow you to retain more control of your financial situation, rather than giving that control over to the court system. Approaching the topic is not easy. Remember that a trained attorney can help.

Alimony Pendente Lite, or APL, is spousal support while the divorce is pending. A party may petition for APL at the same time as the divorce complaint or any time thereafter prior to the entry of a final decree. The purpose of APL is to ensure each party has the ability to sustain themselves during the divorce. A party seeking APL should be ready to prove they lack sufficient property to provide for their reasonable means and are financially unable of self-support during the pendency of the divorce litigation. It is the income-dependent spouse who would have the opportunity to receive APL. The court may consider the duration of the marriage in making any award. This is to ensure one party does not benefit from a significant support award in the context of a very short marriage.

In a case with children, the APL award will be 30% of the difference of the parties’ net incomes after the child support obligations of the case have been applied. In a case without children, the APL award will be 40% of the difference of the parties’ net incomes. An award of APL is not appealable until after the divorce is final. The reason for that being that APL is not considered a “final order” as is required before an appeal can be taken. APL and spousal support are calculated the same way however, APL can be seen as preferable to spousal support in that there are no defenses to APL whereas for spousal support any conduct that would constitute fault for a divorce matter can result in an inability to receive spousal support. Spousal support can be filed as soon as parties are separated and is not contingent on a divorce action pending.

Certain accounts that may be considered marital property and up for division in the context of a divorce can have fluctuating value based on the market. For example, mutual funds, stock benefits, 401ks, and annuities will reflect gains and losses that can change daily. Similar to other assets, the cut-off date for value purposes is technically the date of separation however gains and losses on that date of separation value through the date of distribution are also considered marital. This can result in a significant sum for an account with a large balance or in the instance of a lengthy separation period.

It is good practice to work with an experienced family law attorney and/or retirement division attorney or actuary to ensure you are getting an equitable distribution of these types of assets. To the extent a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) is necessary, your attorney can draft/review an Order with the appropriate language to effectuate the desired distribution. A QDRO is a document that identifies the plan to be divided and gives specific details as to how that division will take place and what rights the party receiving the funds, referred to as the alternate payee, will have going forward. Failure to address the market experience can result in an unfair distribution.

The court has the ability to order a name change of an adult or a minor child. Name changes are permissible so long as it is not sought for illegitimate purposes and the person seeking a name change does not have certain criminal convictions. Specifically, a person cannot request a name change if they have a conviction for murder, voluntary manslaughter, rape, involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, statutory sexual assault, sexual assault, aggravated indecent assault or robbery. A petition for name change should be filed with the civil court in the county where you reside. A filing fee is due at the time of filing as well as copies of your fingerprints which can be obtained at your local police department. A hearing for the petition will be scheduled for one – three months later.

Prior to the hearing date, notice of the petition must be published in the county law reporter as well as a newspaper of general circulation. Additionally, adults must have checks through the Prothonotary’s office for civil matters, the Clerk of Courts for criminal matters, and the Recorder of Deeds for any property issues. If requesting a name change of a minor, in addition to the publication requirements for all name change petitions, you must also proof service on the non-petitioning parent. If the other parent does not agree with the name change, the court will decide after hearing from the parties. A name change of a minor may be granted if it is in the child’s best interests. The party requesting the name change has the burden of proof and must convince the court how the requested change would serve the child’s best interests.

Married same-sex couples can pursue a step-parent adoption. A step-parent adoption requires background checks be completed as it relates to the adopting parents. Presently, there are three background checks required: (1) Child Abuse History Clearance; (2) PA State Police Criminal Record Check; and (3) FBI Criminal Background Check through the Department of Welfare. The rights of the natural parent need to be terminated in conjunction with the adoption petition. This can be via consent of the natural parent or via involuntary termination if grounds for termination exist.

Couples who are not married but interested in adopting a child together can do so following the procedures for a second-parent adoption. Second parent adoptions require the same background checks as a step-parent adoption. They also require a home study whereas a step-parent adoption does not. The home study consists of several visits to the home over a span of time to observe the living arrangements and relationship with the proposed adopting parent. The parental rights of the first parent need not be terminated for the adoption by the second parent to take place. Following successful completion of all the pre-requisites and filing of the Petition for Adoption, the final step is the adoption hearing in either scenario.