Parents cannot eradicate the upheaval and upset their divorce may cause their kids, but there are things they can do to help them cope.

The Pennsylvania Department of Health reports that 33,749 couples across the state got divorced or had their marriages annulled in 2016 alone. While the breakup of a marriage may be trying for the adults involved, divorce may be particularly upsetting for the children. Although parents cannot completely alleviate the upset that the end of their marriage may cause their children, there are things they can do to help them adjust to this type of major life change.

Allow children their reactions

Not all children react in the same way or in the same timeframe to the news that their parents are getting divorced. Some may initially express feelings of anger or sadness, while others may seem ambivalent and instead only show concern for how the split will affect their day-to-day lives. This may include asking who they will live with, whether they will have to change schools and how the parenting-time schedule will work. It is important that parents reassure their kids that their feelings are normal, and encourage them to share their emotions as openly as possible.

Consistency, consistency, consistency

Their parents’ marriage coming to an end may make some children feel as though their worlds have been turned upside down. While they may not be aware of it themselves, this may cause them to crave and need structure even more than normal. As such, it is suggested that parents try to maintain their children’s routines as much as possible during and after a divorce. Additionally, they should attempt to keep the same rules in both parents’ homes and stick to them. Relaxing the rules or completely altering kids’ schedules may lead to insecurities, and inhibit, rather than support, their coping and adjustment to the changes.

Keep the kids out of adult matters

As parents work through the issues that must be settled during a divorce, it may lead to adult discussions or arguments. While this is to be expected, it may cause problems for children’s adjustment if it takes place in front of them. Thus, parents are advised to talk about difficult matters, like child support or alimony, over the phone or when their kids are not around. Further, it is recommended that people refrain from talking badly about their exes in front of their children, asking their kids for information about their other parents or otherwise using their children against their former spouses.

Ask for help

Given time and the support they need, many children rebound from their parents’ divorce and move forward. In some cases, however, kids may need additional help dealing with their feelings and the changes. Should children show signs of distress or seem to otherwise be struggling to cope, parents may consider using the services of a professional, such as their kids’ pediatrician or a counselor. It may also be helpful for people to clue their children’s teachers in to what is going on so that they can aid in monitoring how they are adjusting.

Without contention or complications, Pennsylvania divorces may be challenging enough for families to get through and move on from. However, when the process is drawn out, it may be even more traumatizing for those involved and cause lasting fractures within the family. Therefore, those who are considering a divorce or whose spouses have already filed may find it of benefit to consult with an attorney. A lawyer may not only explain their options and the legal process, but also aid them in negotiating and resolving their cases.

Before an adoption can be finalized, certain parties must consent to the adoption. Pursuant to 23 Pa. C.S. Section 2711, a consent must be signed by the following individuals where applicable: (1) the child(ren) being adopted if over 12 years of age; (2) the spouse of the adopting parent if that spouse is not also a petitioner; (3) the natural parent(s) of any minor child(ren) being adopted; (4) the guardian of an incapacitated child up for adoption; and (5) the guardian of a minor child or persons having custody when the adoptee has no parent whose consent is required. Only the consent of the adoptee is needed for an adult adoption. Consents of the natural parents should include the date, full address of place of execution, and be witnessed by two adults whose name, address and relationship to the person executing the consent are provided.

It is good practice to also have the consent notarized and the notary’s complete address should be included. Another practical tip is to be careful who you select as a witness. The persons witnessing the consents may be called upon in court to testify as to the circumstances under which the consent was executed. The court must be satisfied that there was no fraud or duress and the person executing the consent was of sound mind. The best witnesses will be impartial and credible witnesses with no interest whatsoever in the outcome of the adoption. A consent executed outside of Pennsylvania can be valid here if executed in accordance with the laws of the other jurisdiction.

Where parent(s) are adopting more than one child, most of the adoption procedures are the same. The home study will be waived if it is a kinship adoption. If a home study is required find an approved social worker or contact your local Children & Youth services agency. Background checks will be required for the adopting parent(s). Presently, there are three background checks required: (1) Child Abuse History Clearance; (2) PA State Police Criminal Record Check; and (3) FBI Criminal Background Check through the Department of Welfare. The rights of the natural parent(s) must be terminated in connection with the adoption. This may entail multiple petitions for termination of rights depending on whether the adoptees have the same parents.

If the natural parents are consenting to the adoption, their consents can be attached to the Petition for Adoption. There must be at least thirty (30) days between when the consents are signed and when they are attached to the Petition for filing since there is a thirty (30) day revocation period. Proceedings for adoption by the same adopting parent(s) of more than one child of the same natural parents can be joined in one petition and heard in one hearing, but separate final decrees of adoption shall be prepared and entered for each child to preserve anonymity.

Victims of domestic abuse may need help from others to get a divorce. It can also help to create an escape plan and seek a protective order.

For countless people in Pennsylvania and elsewhere, marriage is a nightmare that they may feel they can never escape. Tragically, domestic violence affects millions of men, women and children every year. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women and one in four men will be abused by an intimate partner at some point during their lives. The problem is so serious, in fact, that 15 percent of all violent crimes are committed by abusers against their partners. The following questions address some that abuse victims are likely to ask when preparing to end a marriage.

IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ALWAYS PHYSICAL?
In many cases, an abuser physically strikes or otherwise causes bodily harm to his or her victim. However, domestic abuse may be emotional, psychological, sexual or financial. Abusers often resort to threats and manipulation to maintain control over their victims. They may restrict their partners from seeing their family members or friends; prevent them from having access to the phone, Internet or the car; and not allow them to work or have any money. Non-violent abusive relationships do not always escalate to physical violence, but often they do.

HOW CAN I ESCAPE AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE?
It is rarely easy to escape an abusive relationship; this is why it is important to create an escape plan. The National Domestic Violence Hotline suggests implementing the following type of plan:

• Enlisting the help of trusted loved ones

• Keeping emergency cash, clothing and documents in a safe place that the abuser does not know about

• Documenting evidence of physical injuries and keeping a journal of the abuser’s behavior

• Memorizing the phone numbers and addresses of abuse shelters and law enforcement offices

It may also be a good idea at this point to seek a protection order.

WHAT IS A PROTECTIVE ORDER AND HOW DOES IT WORK?
A family law court can issue a protective order to abuse victims that extends certain legal protections. While the order is in effect, the abuser will not be allowed to approach or contact the victims. This may give the victim time to get to a safe place and to begin divorce proceedings. Protective orders are not initially permanent. Both sides will be given the chance to tell their side in court, and a judge can then decide if additional protection is necessary.

You are likely to need professional assistance to leave an abusive marriage. This may include help from law enforcement and abuse counselors. A Pennsylvania family law attorney with experience in domestic violence cases can also be an invaluable ally. Your attorney may be able to help you obtain a protective order, as well as start you on the road to freedom from abuse.

Divorce is hard on everyone, but it can be particularly difficult for the children. Young children especially have a difficult time understanding what is going on during divorce and may even feel as if they did something wrong. It is also hard for parents to get used to being away from their children sometimes. In many cases, there will be times when the children will be spending time, maybe even weeks or months, with the other parent. This is why it is important for parents to understand how custody laws work and what their options are. Generally, Pennsylvania law governs child custody and visitation when Pennsylvania is the child’s home state.

How is custody decided in Pennsylvania?

There are two main types of custody in Pennsylvania. Legal custody refers to the authority to make major decisions for the child including religious, educational and medical decisions. Physical custody refers to where the children will actually live. State law also allows for partial custody, which means the right to have the child reside with the noncustodial parent away from the custodial parent for a specific period of time.

Custody may be shared, meaning that both parents have legal or physical custody of the child. This will allow the child to have continuing contact with both parents. If parents do not have shared custody, the other parent may have visitation rights. If a parent has visitation rights, that parent has the right to visit the child but not necessarily the right to take the child from the control of the custodial parent.

To determine how custody is awarded, the court will look at the best interests of the child. The parents may come to an agreement themselves, but the court will always look at the best interests of the child before approving the agreement. The best interests of the child include such things as the physical and mental fitness of the parents, insofar as they affect the child, the ability to allow the child to continue to maintain a relationship with the other parent’s extended family, the preference of the child if the child is mature enough, opportunities for visitation and whether there is a history of abandonment or domestic violence. The court will look at each family as the individual unit that it is.

Can custody be modified?

Custody orders can be modified, but the court must be presented with evidence as to why the order should be modified. The parent wishing to modify the order must prove to the court why it has to be modified. The court generally favors stability for the child, and the parent must show that there is something in the home environment that negatively affects the child’s wellbeing. There must be a substantial change in circumstances and the best interests of the child that should require a change in custody.

Anyone dealing with child custody issues in Pennsylvania should contact an experienced family law attorney. These issues are hard to deal with on one’s own, and the resolutions of the issues are of utmost importance. An attorney can help parents dealing with child custody matters achieve their goals.

When going through a divorce, people should be aware of the differences between marital and separate property.

Filing for divorce in Pennsylvania or anywhere across the country for that matter is not always a simple process. There are many issues that must be negotiated before the final divorce settlement is created and approved. One of the most difficult tasks for people to accomplish is that of dividing the marital property. Determining who is entitled to what after years of marriage can be hard, as there may be strong emotional ties to certain items. It is important for people who are entering into the divorce process to understand the differences between marital and separate property so that they are more likely to receive everything they are entitled to in the settlement.

A look at marital property

In addition to the family home, vehicles, furniture and other basic items, marital property includes a wide- range of items, including any assets and property that were amassed throughout the marriage. Marital property also includes, but is not limited to the following:

· Lottery tickets winnings and income tax refunds.

· Memberships to exclusive country clubs and golf courses.

· Collections, such as antiques, cars, coins, stamps, art and books.

· Intellectual property, such as trademarks, copyrights, patents and royalties.

· Term life insurance

· Gifts given to one another during the marriage.

Furthermore, if one spouse lent money to someone during the marriage, that money is subject to division once it is paid back.

Not everything is marital

In some cases, people may have separate property, which is not eligible for division in a divorce settlement. Separate property includes items that were owned by either party prior to becoming married, such as real estate or assets. Any inheritance money, gifts given by a third-party or personal injury compensation that was awarded to either party before, during or after the marriage is also considered separate property.

There are some instances where marital property may be divided between a couple. For example, if the title of a property was in the original owner’s name, but he or she had it revised to include the other spouse’s name, it is no longer considered separate property. Similarly, if separate money belonging to one spouse is deposited into a joint bank account with the other spouse’s name attached, that money may become marital and eligible for division.

Upholding your rights

Going through the divorce process can be extremely emotional, making it difficult to make decisions that will affect your future. An attorney may be helpful in answering your questions, giving you essential information and assisting you throughout the divorce process.

Decrees in adoption matters are permanent in nature. If you disagree with the entry of a decree in an adoption case, you need to file an appeal right away to preserve your right to contest. The rules for appeal in an adoption matter follow the general rules for appeal meaning you have thirty days from the date of the Order to file an appeal. Notice of appeal should be filed with the court where the matter was heard. Any applicable filing fee is due to the court at the time of filing. If applicable, you will need to order the transcript from the hearing resulting in the Order you are appealing. There is a cost for the transcript as well which varies depending on the length of the proceedings. You should get in touch with the court reporter or court administration to order a copy of the transcript.

If your appeal is timely filed with requisite documents, the appellate court will contact you regarding next steps in the appeal process. For a contested adoption, often the relevant appeal date would be within thirty (30) days of the decree terminating parental rights. This may be an earlier date than the decree of adoption. Generally, a subsequent adoption hearing would be scheduled at least thirty (30) days after a decree is entered terminating parental rights to account for the appeal window. If you have voluntarily terminated your rights by consenting to the adoption, there is a thirty-day window from when you signed the consent to change your mind. You must revoke your consent in writing and deliver to the party filing for adoption and the county court within the initial thirty days. After that initial thirty-day period the consent becomes irrevocable.

If you are adopting a minor child, a name change can be accomplished as part of the adoption. Specifically, the final adoption decree can include the desired new name for the child. This certified decree along with vital records request form can be used to change the child’s name on their birth certificate as well as social security records. Vital records does assess a cost for a new birth certificate. If looking to change your name as an adult pursuant to an adoption, you must also follow the steps for a civil name change.

First, adult adoptees will need to submit a copy of your fingerprints with the adoption petition. Fingerprints can be obtained from your local police department. Adult adoptees also need to supply record checks from the Prothonotary, Clerk of Court, and Recorder of Deeds for each county of residence for five (5) years prior to your filing. Finally, notice of the adoption hearing date must be published in a newspaper of general circulation within the county as well as the local Law Reporter regarding the proposed name change. Proof of the record checks and publication should be offered as evidence at the adoption hearing. Name changes are not permitted for adults in the event of certain criminal convictions.

Your children will benefit from a healthy relationship with both their father and their mother after divorce, so to co-parent effectively, remember the three C’s: Cooperation, Communication, and Consistency

Cooperation

Remember, it’s all about what’s best for your children. As adults, you have to put their needs before your own hurts and grudges, however real they may be. As long as one of them is not abusive, your children need to have a healthy relationship with both parents.

You will need to make some important decisions about who will be the parent liaison to doctors, educators, coaches, etc. Will communications from these institutions go to one parent or both? Who will pay for insurance, education, and extra-curricular activities? Will both parents attend school and sport events, parent/teacher meetings, and doctor appointments?

Determine a schedule of custody that takes into consideration school, holidays, and special events. How will the child be transported between homes? What degree of flexibility is there when “life” happens and schedules or plans need to be changed?

Communication

Communication and cooperation work hand in hand. You must have a well-structured communication plan in order to cooperate in the raising of your children. Depending on your relationship, you may have to keep it short and business-like, but you should still be civil. If possible, over time, work towards a friendly relationship, since you’re two people who love the same children and want what’s best for them.

Always share important information, milestones, and pictures with your ex. Some divorced parents find it useful to have a shared online calendar with their children’s schedules, notes from school, and other data loaded, so both parents have access.

If you have concerns about any of your children, it’s very important to communicate this, so you’re both aware and can both work on it. This will not only help with the issue, but will show the children that their parents are united with regard to their well-being, which will have a positive emotional effect on them.

Consistency

This unity should be displayed through consistency in other areas as well. Both homes should have consistent rules of conduct and behavior. It’s likely you will disagree on particulars, but children need stability for their best development.

You may find it easier to agree on certain essentials if each parent is permitted leeway in the specifics. While one parent might say 9:00pm bedtime on weekdays and the other says 10:00pm, the big picture message being communicated is, “You need a good night’s sleep to do well in school.” Chores may differ from house to house, but both parents should teach their children responsibility by giving them chores. Rules about manners, foul language, and other issues of courtesy should be obeyed in both homes.

One last word on attitude

Never complain about the other parent, and as much as possible, help the children respect your co-parent. If he or she has personality flaws, it’s best to let the children discover them on their own – within the realm of safety – to avoid unreasonable fantasies or inaccurate beliefs about the other parent that will make your role more difficult.

Make it clear to your children that the divorce is not their fault. They may need to hear this multiple times, but make sure they feel loved and secure, and they will grow into strong and healthy adults.


Both cohabitation and remarriage are grounds for termination of alimony in Pennsylvania. In the case of remarriage, a court-ordered alimony award is terminated automatically upon the receiving spouse’s remarriage. However, if the couple settled outside of court, the divorce settlement must include a statement terminating alimony upon remarriage in order for it to end. Most divorce agreements in PA do include such a provision.

Cohabitation will also terminate court-ordered alimony, but it must be proven. Cohabitation in PA is recognized when a person is living with someone of the opposite sex who is not a close relative, demonstrates evidence of romantic or sexual relationship, and comingles assets or finances, thus approximating marriage.

If you believe your ex-spouse to whom you pay alimony is cohabiting and therefore believe your alimony should be terminated, you need to petition the court for an order to terminate alimony. File a motion in the court that handed down your divorce decree and be prepared to present evidence and witnesses in court to support your claim.

In order to gather evidence, look for pictures on social media or talk to friends or neighbors. You may have to hire a private detective who knows how to legally collect evidence of cohabitation – this may include surveillance, collection of documentation, and getting subpoenas to collect records. Our article Proving your Spouse is Cohabiting goes into more detail on this.

When you suspect your ex is living with someone and doesn’t deserve alimony anymore, it’s important to do a cost-benefit analysis. Consider the court and legal fees, the cost of hiring a private investigator, the time and effort associated with collection and court appearances, and the possible damage to relationships with friends and family. If your monthly alimony payment is not very large or burdensome and is awarded for a limited time, you know exactly how much alimony will cost you and can easily compare. You may find it’s not worth the expense or effort. If, however, your alimony payments are large or have no termination date stipulated by the court, you may determine it is worth the effort.

Child support is not automatically affected by termination of alimony. However, if you feel the cohabiting arrangement is not in the best interests of your children, you may wish to petition the courts for modification of custody.

 

These are decisions best reviewed with an expert in divorce law. if you suspect your ex-spouse is cohabitating, contact us here at Ulmer Law so we can help you determine the best approach regarding alimony and child custody.